Am I Still Ill?

Hi  dearest peeps. Why so guilty? Only because I have sorely neglected my corner of the Internet despite having loyal readers and even new ones. 

Well, I know you will all forgive my absence when I tell you that life has been busy happening to me lately (to mangle John Lennon’s line) . I’ve had an absolutely great summer. Honestly I hardly know where to start.

The voluntary work I am doing for the local mental health service user network has been burdgeoning and growing, and I feel myself growing along with it. In addition to that I met a new and rather wonderful vegan friend who is a bit of an eco-activist as well as an expert on trees and plants.

I had been wanting to get involved with Sustainable Haringey for a long time, and had asked R to come along to meetings with me but he wasn’t keen. Now that I know G though I am becoming more and more involved and it’s also great to be pals with a fellow vegan (the first I think…) 

As I find myself getting busier and busier I notice I’m getting asked to do more and more things. For years I’ve sought the Holy Grail of the ‘work I was born to do’…waited for some kind of Eureka moment where I would ‘just know’. Well I am having a Eureka summer. Understanding that maybe it’s not so much about the work, but more about me. Shedding the inhibitions and overcoming the self-made obstacles in the way of just jumping in and doing it.

However what’s probably very important is having a passion. I have a passion for mental health, for improving the lot of those who experience mental health problems, or, more importantly, the stigma and social difficulties that attach to such experiences. I have been there myself…been written off, dismissed, patronised, told I would never work again. I am one of the lucky ones though. I bounced back…over and over again. I always knew deep down that I wasn’t finished yet.

I persistd in sharpening my brain and my wits ready for my full-on counter-attack at anyone who ever scorned me or took pleasure in seeing me so ground down and defeated.

Yes, an element of revenge can be a healthy response in my opinion, provided it doesn’t become the main motivation, and is not obsessive or premeditated. To quote someone or other: ‘Living well is the best revenge’. There is nothing more delightful to me than seeing the sick look on the face of someone who dislikes me while they smile and congratulate me on how well I’m doing. As Bob Dylan would have it ‘You gotta lot of nerve, to say you are my friend…’

As well as a whole lot of voluntary commitments (some of which are paid, some not) I’ve applied to and been accepted on an MA course in Mental Health and Wellbeing at the London Metropolitan University. It’s a big commitment and a Whole Lotta Money but I am looking forward to it and devoutly hope it will work out, as it should dovetail really well with the work stuff.

My best female friend in the whole world is having a baby any day now. Saw her in the hospital today. She was high on painkillers ( for the complications of advanced pregnancy). I’m excited at the thought of a new small person in my family of friends. She is expecting a girl.

I have been to a solicitor and begun proceedings to try and get my son returned to me. I am not attached to whether or not he comes home, I just know that it was time to send out the message that he does have a MORE than adequate home and a highly intelligent and able mother with lots of supportive friends and a good partner around her. The rest is largely up to him in the long run.

Well peeps, I am off to Cumbria with said partner tomorrow in the car. I booked a self-catering cottage and we are taking bikes. Take care and lots of love…Zoe xxx