Still out for the count
I’ve been ill with the flu and more or less out of action all week, any plans scuppered. Am hoping to get to Bonkersfest on Saturday, at Camberwell Green, South London, though. Anyway I’ve been interwebbing away today, hardly commenting or writing anything, just reading and imbibing others’ wisdom. Been at SF Jane’s for the last couple of hours, she is really something else. I am impressed by her to the point of paralysis. She is so alive, so intelligent and articulate. And the way she delivers the videos as well as the writing. And her story. OK, I’m just gushing now.
It may be partly the depression but I don’t have a lot of self-confidence or esteem right now. I don’t rate my abilities highly. I feel a little bit brain dead. Reading a lot of other people’s blogs is good but there comes a point where I need to start doing something myself. Finding a way to frame my own thoughts.
I am still gutted that I had to go back on meds because I had a recurrence of mania. I suppose I felt that I would have to stay on them forever and that meant giving up hope of recovering by other means.
You know what? I don’t know any of this. I don’t know what the future holds. I feel too confused, ill and fog-brained right now to come to any clear conclusions. For me God or a Higher Power seems to be something I need in my life to have any sense of security, peace or equanimity. Chaos and mental torment have ravaged me of late. I still don’t have my feet on solid ground.
Take care though…
Am I Still Ill? 