Am I Still Ill?

I’ve been doing a deal of reevaluating the last few days. Realised I don’t need to tolerate Ezra, I have a choice in the matter, duh! I don’t have to allow him to use me and leave me high and dry like I never even existed. I can actually turn and give him the same treatment so he gets to know how it feels.

I’ve realised a lot about his true nature. Surprise…he is a demon, albeit a very powerful one. But a demon remains a demon, leopards don’t change their spots. The reality of him is that he is pretty much a lifelong criminal who made a living as a drug dealer and decided to commit himself to a woman who consumes soaps and Big Brother like they’re going out of fashion. Knowing how much she annoyed him he then went for a baby with her. ‘It’ll bring us closer together’, lolol. They even tried for a second child but thankfully she miscarried…it was going to be a girl.

Then one fateful night he was horny and wanted to get touchy feely with this lady he referred to constantly as his ‘missus’. They had sex twice, he wanted to go a third time and she didn’t, he overrode her wishes, she was crying, their baby boy was nearby. Then he laughed as she cried and told her she ‘looked like a victim’. Next day she upped and offed with their son to the police station and the rest is history.

Yes he is guilty of rape. As well as being a fairly disgusting human being. He has virtually no loyal friends, even his family resent him. Compare his situation with mine. I have had quite a few guys go through my hands and not always even been faithful, but there is only one who subsequently became an enemy and he is a toothless old crone eaten up by self-neglect who will indubitably die soon. He appeared on a Panorama documentary about local mental health services (or lack of) and said something pretty revealing. He said he used to despise ‘normality’ but now realises (too late) it has some things to recommend it. Basically saying he became a lunatic because he thought it was cool! Fuck the converted Catholic shithead! Let his patriarchal religion save him now. He betrayed me in the vilest of manners (ganging up with Angela and the Equals shower against me among other offences).

Maurice and Richard, my latest two exes before Ezra have remained on my team despite fairly frequent spats and disagreements, and frankly the credit for this goes to yours truly. I cannot imagine ANY ex of mine being vindictive to the point of wanting to see me incarcerated…they simply lack the ammunition to hurt me in any way. Ezra decided he was more powerful than a woman. Let me tell you that is the worst and most fundamental error any man can make. Even I do not fight women! It is much too dangerous, I stick to battling men and always win!

So yeah, as you can see there has been some progress despite life outwardly seeming to go on in a fairly humdrum way. My thoughts are loud! In the words of Ms Dynamite ‘I’m too experienced’ to have my heart broke by this loser or consent to be an abused neglected partner. Fuck him! I’ll get by. They say women often marry their fathers or someone like them. Well, I hated my dad, he abused me sexually and my mum said he was basically a rapist. He treated her like chattel, controlled her movements, tried to keep her isolated, in fact he regarded all of us as his property and was a lousy father offering no good role modelling of any kind.

In her early fifties my Mum found the courage to leave and she NEVER looked back. I watched, an impressionable twenty year old, as she went from strength to strength, building a happy, free new life for herself with many good and loyal friends and productive activity despite never managing to make a relationship with a man work long-term.

With her as my role model and my dad as a cautionary tale, I can not go wrong.

As people in my life constantly tell me ‘fuck Ezra’. I do not need him!