Am I Still Ill?

Hi Peeps. Yeah I frustrated myself just now by totally forgetting how to log in to my own blog.

Earlier on I was frustrated by being banned from Suicide Project yet again!

I finally managed to find how to contact the admins of the site (can’t think how I missed this before) and have emailed them.

Other people get away with all kinds of crazy stuff on that site. I was second guessing every other word I wrote on there because of the fear of being too controversial or sensitive and getting banned again. Is it because I believe I am immortal? Would that not be discrimination against a person with a mental health problem? Is it because I am no longer suicidal? Many people on that site are not. It’s not against the rules. The rules are pretty simple. No ‘hate’ etc. NEVER have I voiced any hate on that site. Never have I bullied anyone there. I teased someone I had got to know pretty well in a lighthearted way, I was manic, he didn’t see the funny side, end of.

I’m confused and fed up.

I wish I knew where else to go.

I’m at my Mum’s for the weekend. It’s very boring here. I read the Guardian for the first time in ages. What a load of garbage the news is. It was a depressing read.

My Mum is content with her life. It’s pretty nice. That does not make her a good companion for me. I am all about change. Beginning to wonder why I bothered coming. Feel totally ignored and overlooked (as well as banned).

I have no doubt that this post does not show me in a good light. But I don’t care.

My son J called just as I arrived at Mum’s. I felt frustrated during most of our discussion (about my recent activities and financial losses incurred). Though we managed to part amicably. I don’t like talking on the phone and he knows that. I would have liked to see him in person but he is not currently willing to do that.

It’s been a bloody annoying day. I am filled to the brim with misanthropy. Fuck everyone! Vision-less pusillanimous little shits most people are.

Haha, hard to get myself banned from my own blog.

Sorry, but as previously noted on this blog, I am not a nice person. In the immortal words of The Smiths ‘The life I’ve had would make a good man bad’. And for the life I’ve had I make no apology whatsoever as none of it was my fault.

I diagnosed M as a psychopath on this blog at one point. Well  he is my best friend and soulmate, so I guess there’s something of the psychopath in me too.