Am I Still Ill?

Hiya Peeps. How y’all doing?

Third day when I haven’t been so depressed. It feels so great when it stops. Hasten to add I don’t feel particularly good. It’s just the self-attacking thoughts are giving me a break. Thank God for that.

My son J called the other night. Just hearing his voice (we talked for an hour) was a great relief. It was a good conversation, we both talked and listened. He was at his best. He can be great at times, and often impresses people by the way he talks. Unusual for a teen to be so eloquent.

I’ve always been quite a positive person considering everything. Just lately I’ve felt too angry with life to be very positive. There have been many suicidal thoughts.  It remains ‘not an option’ however. I’ve got my Mum and J to consider.

Best I can hope is that through this protracted depression I do manage to come to terms with the facts of my life. That it turns out to be a grieving process rather than something I’m just stuck with and can never really emerge from.  Depression is part of the grieving cycle as I understand it.

The loneliness has let up along with the depression, which probably demonstrates how interconnected they are… There definitely are people that care. And that I care about.

Not got much else to say but I wanted to just check in with you Peeps.

Oh, and crack out the party balloons and champers. This is my 500th post on this blog!

Zoe xx