Am I Still Ill?

‘All those who looked down on me…’ Eminem.

Had a personal visit from a Jehovah guy I’ve become friendly with.  If I can’t get myself to Bible Class, the mountain will just have to move to Mohammed.

I was talking in the last post about Dizzee and bein’ on auto-pilot. And that’s how I feel today. I’m not gettin’ a buzz from writing this. It’s just what I do, and like all hobbies become work, there’s more than a thimbleful of drudgery in the task.

Yesterday was a steep learning curve for me and my housemates. I don’t want to compromise our privacy by going into any details. But remember what I was saying about my ancient drug habit? They had one too. And we all simultaneously got into a state of craving.

And sometimes the only thing to be done when in a state of craving is ‘to give in’.

And sometimes, when you are extremely lucky (and sensible) giving in is the best thing you can do. Cos by the act of submission you can remove that cancer (of addiction) from your system once and for all.

It was mad stressful. Lesser people than us would have been at each others’ throats by the end of it. The miracle is that we remained friends throughout.

I never want to do another drug. I don’t include caffeine and baccy. I’m talkin’ chemicals. The one remaining substance in my life now is seroquel (quetiapine) to help me get off to sleep at night. It’s an anti-psychotic. I won’t need that forever.

I’m alone in the house, L and D both off to their respective jobs. Snow still so thick on the ground that I’m tempted not to go out at all. May make it down to the local health food store. Get some soya yoghurt. Tho’ it hardly seems worth it just for that. Part of me wants to go back to bed and sleep the rest of the day away.

Love to all my Peeps. Z XXX