It’s great you think highly of R, N. But before you run away with the idea that he is some sort of plaster saint because he takes an interest in a child who is not his, please re-read the notes I took earlier this year. I stuck to quoting him verbatim. That was the whole point of the exercise. There would be little point in me distorting what he said (does it even sound like something I would have written?) as I knew he was exposing himself quite clearly and openly.
Also not sure if you read my account of our ‘domestic’ on my blog. Police were called at 3.00am to my home because neighbours heard me screaming as he lost it and started punching me. I protected him from being charged for domestic violence on that occasion: the evidence was clear enough on my body. He showed his ‘gratitude’ for my loyalty by running away before I woke up in the morning. He never thanked me. Never apologised. Never even acknowledged his loss of control or any kind of remorse or regret for his actions.
A little bit like your other colleagues. You alone have apologised and I am grateful for that. Grown-ups need to be accountable for what they do. Otherwise abuse of others will tend to follow as night follows day. B clearly thinks she can act with complete impunity. She is your ‘star’ and you and the others have to take the flak for her (or not as the case may be). Whatever you think of my written communication, it makes clear that I AM accountable for it. I do not need to hide it, in fact I made a point of putting it in a public space. I am also accountable for all the texts I sent to A. I sent them as an appeal to her friendship and they were at no point abusive in any way.
Very best wishes, Zoe.
Everyone has a shadow side N. It’s better we face that fact.
Just rec’d this. I feel I should say something as Zoe wants to email all you guys with stuff about me.
I know you may not be interested and why should you be, and I won’t go on at length.
Zoe’s version is not an accurate account in my opinion largely because of what it omits.
Regards R
I should have said Zoe’s version is not an accurate account in my opinion largely because of what it omits and also because of factual inaccuracies.
Regards R
Your chance to put the record straight R, but your heart doesn’t seem to be in it. What do I omit? Don’t hold back on my account! I have been asking all of you guys to get a little more specific about my failings and misdeeds! Seems you want to reserve the right to bully and attack a person but not to tell them exactly what they’ve done wrong? Bw Zoe.
It’s not really good enough to make this statement and then not be prepared to explain what you mean R. You are just attempting a vague slur on my character. Like your mentors, Equals. You have not been specific, you have not backed your statement up at all. Please do so, and make it as public as you like. I have nothing to hide. Z
Subject: So where is your account?
Date: 05 November 2010 20:37
Date: 05 November 2010 20:37
Waiting. Very interested to hear your ‘factually accurate’ version of events.
But I gotta say, that this is sad. You and Equals are reasonably intelligent people who are abusing your own brains! Be grateful for the brain you’ve got and engage your heart, honesty and INTEGRITY in what you do! What I hear from you is an intelligent man who is having to fly right in the face of what he must know, somewhere deep down. That this is madness. That you’ve taken some ill-advised turnings and now you are committed to getting more and more thoroughly lost.
You simply don’t have a leg to stand on, and you have (all of you) done a great job of exposing your own weaknesses and inadequacies.
It’s OK to be weak and inadequate at times. What just makes you look pathetic and ridiculous is when you keep trying to cover your backs and dig yourselves into an ever deeper hole. For God’s sake! Isn’t honesty way EASIER than all of this? And whither dignity, while we’re at it?
Alas, for you, it seems that bullying your own ex girlfriend appeals more.
I wonder what’s going through your head. Same thing I’ve wondered about all of the Equals Team for the last nine months. None of you can tell me the specifics of where I went so badly wrong as to merit the campaign of bullying and ostracisation. If you ever had any love for me at all R and A, I would ask you to GET SPECIFIC. What is it about me that has rendered me so unacceptable to four people, two of whom were close and loved for eleven years, and the other two supposed colleagues???
You have called my last email ‘factually inaccurate’ R, but you have not backed this statement up by any explanation as to exactly how. Where have I deviated from the facts? Or are you now accusing me of being a liar, as indeed you did in your rant of last February?
N, A, I have asked you to do the same thing. So far you have stuck to vague accusations of ‘abuse, bullying, harassment and aggression’, a lot of them passed indirectly to me by third parties. You also apparently believed I wanted to ‘sabotage’ your course. Once again I would like your evidence for this, based on how I was and what I said? It’s a serious accusation, like R’s, which needs backing up.
This would help my learning about self and my ability to move on from this and finally find closure. Bw, Zoe.
I’ve repeatedly asked R (by text and email – I know better than to try to speak with him on the phone) to back up his last statement about the ‘factual inaccuracies’ of my account of the domestic incident. Surprise! He seems unwilling to do so! Clearly he isn’t happy, but he doesn’t want to defend himself. He has ignored my many entreaties that he make his complaint against me in writing, whatever it is. Just like you A. He’s suddenly phobic of the written word!
Lesson for the future. For EVERYONE concerned, including me. If you will not be able to account for it down the line – um. Don’t do it? In future, take the longer view. Are you happy for your God or Higher Power or ‘people you respect and admire’ to see you behave like this? If not, then just don’t do it. Simple. Don’t put yourself in a position where you will have to spend valuable time and energy down the line, covering your backs.
I don’t honestly know about Equals, but R seems to think he can say or do pretty much anything behind closed doors. He does not seem to expect to be held to account for it. He appears unworried by the effects of karma. He never apologises. Never admits to having been wrong about anything. He doesn’t appear to think about ‘how he could have done things differently‘ (see his ‘rant’). That sauce is strictly for the goose! And I knew this was going to be problematic one day, but I never pictured this scenario.
I on the other hand, am held to account for everything. I alone have agency in his world. I alone have power. Therefore I make a cracking scapegoat for everything that goes wrong in his life. Including the Equals fiasco.
Please tell me you can see how mad this is?
Happy to account for my own stuff. Now could everyone else please just account for theirs?
Zoe, Following the discussion session that you asked Stephen to set up last week and the positive, forward looking discussion that we had begun, I do not understand what it is you want from me or Equals now.
Perhaps Stephen can continue to assist.
Regards, N
Oh dear N. I don’t understand what you don’t understand! I want to know why I have been bullied and ostracised by your organisation, two of whom were hitherto close friends!
I never read your response to my grievance, or the letter you sent prior to that. I just wasn’t in a fit state, my mental health was going down the pan. I had a breakdown in April and ended up sectioned, which in itself proved very traumatic indeed. I still prefer not to read it. I’m afraid it would be distressing.
Angela has explained nothing about why our friendship had to end over this. I am now OK about the friendship ending, but is it unreasonable to want to know why? If the answer is ‘because you didn’t love my work project as much as I did’, be honest and just say it! Clarity is what I would like. I appear to have been demonised. The behaviour of all four of you has impacted severely on my mental health. And at the end of the day, an organisation which is supposedly all about social inclusion has excluded someone. Why?
A also co-opted her partner into the bullying and mobbing free-for-all, bringing him with her to a meeting where he behaved like a hired thug, yelling at me across the table and accusing me of ‘bullying’ A. I have been accused of ‘harassment’ (the emails?), you made a complaint to the police to that effect, and A gave that meeting to understand that my texts to her were aggressive, abusive etc which they were emphatically not. In other words, she lied and manipulated her partner to turn on me (I considered him a friend up till then).
On top of all of this I was the recipient of domestic abuse by R, which he seems unwilling to admit to, even though I can get the evidence from the police if you wish. Far worse than a few bruises though is the campaign of emotional and psychological abuse by all of you!
You honestly don’t seem to know what you are doing. Why did you send an email, then recall it? What’s going on?
I don’t have a problem with written communication. You can see that. So why can none of you supposed professionals return the compliment?
Oh dear! Bw, Zoe
Am I Still Ill? 
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