Am I Still Ill?

Nearly all my friends these days are creative people, in one way or another. I bond with them easily. Artists ‘get me’ and I ‘get them’. I will never be a corporate drone. I have always had difficulties with organisations. I especially won’t go near any type of organised religion, even though I am an intensely spiritual person.

Organisations run on consensus, on the whole. They are therefore usually only as effective as their sickest member.

This afternoon I returned to my art class for the first time in months. It was balm to my soul, even though I am not primarily a visual artist. I chatted to the teacher, telling her about what has made me so ill the last six months.

I explained to her, that when I said the things I did on the course I was following my inner light. This is why I cannot let the whole thing go, with R. Cannot accept that I did anything wrong. I wasn’t ‘mouthing off’. I wasn’t motivated by some dark desire to destroy Equals. I said what I did because it was what I believe.

I have basically been punished and vilified for being true to my inner light.

This is an extremely powerful experience, especially when the two prime movers are your best friend and partner, respectively.

My fundamental position is this. The ‘mentally interesting’ have a unique perspective. Our experiences are a strength and not a weakness. This is not something I read in a book. It is what I live, every day of this cursed-and-blessed life.

And I have to ask myself this. If these thoughts and ideas are so deeply threatening to Equals, they must be extremely powerful. Way way more powerful than I knew when I uttered them.

Which makes me think this. I’m on to something.

Poor R. He is suffering deeply because for as long as he tries to set himself against my inner light, he is also setting himself against his own.

Inner lights, folks, are all part of the same Source. They fuel our creativity, our ‘madness’, our passions, our irrational joys.

Equals are hurting themselves far worse than they can ever hurt me. They will never move forward, never find their vision. Because they have denied mine.

And look how many people’s lives have been affected by their actions, their choices.

To suffer for the truth, for your own inner light, is a great blessing. They have well and truly kicked me into touch with who I really am and how I should be living my life. Maybe they have even set me on the road to full recovery from a ‘severe and enduring’ illness.

You’ve got to say, folks, it is a splendid irony. This firm, devoted to ’empowering’ service users, has done just that. Not in a way anyone would have predicted, but y’know what? I learned more from the course, my expulsion from it and all the fall out than anyone actually learned from their course. Guaranteed.

I’ve always been a very gifted student. No-one can stop me rising to the top. I listen with a quiet mind. I speak from the heart. I have no fear of anyone. I love the truth.