Am I Still Ill?

Hey. Neat title Zoe. Not quite as random as usual.

No, because that is the best and snappiest way I can sum up the last six months!

Y’see folks, people are great. Never underestimate their capacity to shine the light of truth on all your weaknesses!

It’s a paradox that at one and the same time I am horrified at the depths people can plumb, and respectful of the amazing insights they can yield while they are doing it!

So that on the one hand I find myself thoroughly jaundiced about the capacity of human beings to face reality and know truth. On the other I have to hand it to them. They are great at enabling me to do so!

I honestly feel grateful. Looked at from the perspective of one who has passed through the ‘dark night of the soul’, experiencing bullying and betrayal over a long period by no less than my two closest and most trusted people, I see that these two people actually did love me very much.

Only those who truly love you have the power to expose you to the kind of roasting that yields the ripe fruit of wisdom (if you’ll pardon the mixed metaphor!)

All that ever stands between us and blessings is a period of affliction and persecution such as I have had to endure. I have been stretched on the rack. Had needles stuck through my eyelids. Been shut into the Iron Maiden.

But I’ve always loathed descriptions of torture. They make me physically sick. Thank God none of it was physical. My eyes are whole and seeing. My body intact.

Torturing other human beings is the nearest thing I can think of to pure evil. Torturing animals may be even worse. Those who carry out these appalling acts sentence themselves to Hell. Not eternal damnation. But at least a mighty roasting.

But those who endure torture (whether mental or physical) for the sake of truth reap many heavenly blessings, the greatest of which is a share in divine wisdom.

I know of what I speak.

Many are those who talk, knowing nothing. Few are they who know of what they speak.

But I can never say ‘I was right’. The most I can say, in all humility is ‘I was not wrong.’

Thank you A. Thank you N. Thank you B. Thank you R.

Much love, Z xxx