Hello dearest Peeps. What’s new and different? Well yesterday I staggered off to the doc’s. Wanted his opinion on my sickness of the last week (by God it was a trial) and put to him the possibility that it could be a toxic reaction or side effect of the Depakote that I’ve been on since I was admitted to hospital about two months ago. He thought it was more likely to be a stomach upset or virus, but he felt my tummy to see if my liver was tender (it wasn’t) and agreed to send me for a blood test.
After getting that done I traipsed off to yoga at the day centre. I couldn’t do most of it but lay there and soaked up the healing vibes which was comforting. Our teacher is such a special lady. She comes all the way from Hammersmith on the tube to teach a few loonies yoga and I honestly think she takes a genuine delight and pride in seeing our progress. She is also a most inspiring advertisement for yoga and meditation. In her fifties she has the face and body of a young girl, albeit a very fit, toned, strong and supple young girl! We’re very blessed with her, and I think we all know it!
After I came out of yoga I had an inspirational (sorry to repeat myself!) conversation with a friend I’ve known for years. I saw him depressed, struggling with grief over his parents’ death, and totally lacking in confidence. Now I see him growing into his potential, which one could always see. He dresses with style and pride in himself, holds his head high, is about to complete his B-Tech in Audio Engineering/Music Technology or whatever it’s called and is clearly destined for great things. Drinks herbal tea, eats carefully, came off fags over a year ago, and is OK with being single till he meets the right woman (despite his obvious attractiveness).
On my way out of the centre I got chatting to a couple of the staff. The deputy manager at the centre is one of us, literally and in her whole approach. I told them about my sense of progress with my illness. She was delighted to hear it and not in the least dismissive or disbelieving. She knows me very well and I think recognises how much potential I have to help others as well as myself. We are totally on the same side.
Prised myself away and went to meet my good friend J in a cafe for tea. I motormouthed to him a bit as is my wont right now, and he listened wonderfully well as is his. I had been stuck at home going stir-crazy with that awful virus for days remember! It did me so much good just getting out and talking to people, though I am always wary of and a bit apologetic about hogging the conversation.
Later on I met my dearest female friend A for a tea. I had felt we might be drifting apart a bit and was really quite worried about it last week. But she was lovely. I realised to my great relief that my friendship with her is a non-negotiable and not dependent on how much I see of her. She’s very busy right now, and pregnant to boot. But we are still, oh God, that phrase again, singing from the same hymn sheet! Why do I insist on inflicting that one on you folks? I could write quite a lot about this very special lady and her place in my life. But not right now. Besides her work and mine is very much in progress. And we are very different, but I believe we complement each other wonderfully well. She has a fantastic political head on her shoulders. I am the more creative, spiritual one.
We walked up to my house and Richard was already there. He’s already working with A which I am so pleased about actually. It’s helping to give him the connection and sense of purpose that he needs in his working life. Hope he doesn’t mind me presuming to say that. Bear in mind he is (to me) a mystery man, and that’s the way I like it.
A left shortly to walk home and R and I got chips and chow mein from the local chippy for our dinner as I could not face cooking. What an oil-fest…I was a little uneasy I would suffer for it later, but my stomach was forgiving on this occasion. I am definitely getting over the bug.
Still not over the sense of ‘process’ which is causing me to be mentally scattered and not cope that well with the demands of everyday life such as housework and cooking. I have been thinking about trying to book myself into some kind of retreat centre out in the country for a week or two. Discussed the possibility with my Mum today.
It’s my birthday on Sunday and I have the desire to spend it with my Mum and Richard. He needs a little persuading but I think if I am resolute about it he will accede. After all, it’s my birthday! It will be the first time I see her since I got ill this time around.
OK dearest readers, that will do for now. Love you all…Zoe xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Am I Still Ill? 
Comments on: "Getting out and about again…" (2)
Hi Zoe, it’s great (and a little bit inspiring) to hear you sound so upbeat. Long may it last x
Thanks La. Can I take this opportunity to apologise to you for not being a more obvious presence on your blog. I so appreciate all your loyal reading and comments and as I return to earth from my scattered state I’m sure I will remedy this imbalance! It’s so generous of you to encourage me when I give so little back!
Long may it last! I understand your guarded note. I feel like that myself from time to time (God, I thought I was probably dying only a few days ago!). But I know myself pretty well and I have also studied this condition of mine pretty much ad nauseam! And I do know that what I am going through now is something entirely new. I don’t even have to pretend to be upbeat. I really am! But also very well connected with others. It’s the absence of the old familiar sense of isolation that seems to have upped and gone. And madness without isolation is arguably no longer madness.
Take care hon. And I’ll be over to read you very soon (maybe even now…) Don’t forget to email me if you are in this neck of the woods and want to meet for that coffee. xxx