Am I Still Ill?

Hi gang. Good to be back. There’s a nice, upbeat-possibly-teetering-on-the-verge-of-hypomanic opening. Hope I won’t be (as has happened in the past) looking back over this entry at any point, cringing with self-loathing, embarrassment and abject shame.

I do feel, this morning, almost a little too good. Luckily I am at work, which conspires to bring me down to earth, reminding me of my lowly position in life, as I (wo)man the reception desk and generally perform the tasks of chief file-maker, tea maker and errand-runner! I recommend it to all those with a tendency to grandiosity!

You will have noticed I’ve been away quite a while. Well haha, maybe you’ll have noticed. There I go again with my delusions of self-importance! Well perhaps it’s as well to take a break when you just don’t feel inspired to write. After all I do this for fun, not to prove anything or to achieve literary immortality. At least that way you can come back to things fresh and possibly with something to say as opposed to trying to force it. And it then turning into one more chore to cross off the list. Being a bit of a ‘listy’ person I have to watch this tendency.

Things continue swimmingly in my life. However I woke up a bit early for comfort this morning. Hence having to watch and monitor the mood. Boring isn’t it?

Have to say I had quite a bit on my tiny mind this morning. I am seriously concerned about a friend. She has got herself into a relationship which, to me, shows all the signs of being classically co-dependent. With a self-confessedly co-dependent man. I don’t believe that anyone in the know considers that co-dependency is any less of a damaging addiction than drugs, alcohol, gambling, eating disorders or any other compulsion. There is a fellowship just for that, Co-Dependents Anonymous, CoDa for short. Neither of them is showing any desire or inclination to attend it. Which might be no big deal, except they are both recovering addicts and supposedly practising the Twelve Steps.

I am obviously in quite a tricky position. I see this relationship draining the life out of my friend instead of enhancing it. I can’t sit by and watch that happen. I know her well enough and am around her more than some of her other friends. I also know her partner fairly well. I have to play it carefully. Exercise all my not-inconsiderable powers of diplomacy. Find the right time and the right place to talk to her about this. My friend would and has done the same for me. She was the one, not my partner, who spotted that I was manic and took me to hospital last time.

Anyone ever had to ‘blow the whistle’ or confront a friend about what you perceive as self-destructive behaviour? Difficult isn’t it? Would be glad to hear any of your experiences, if so.

To change the topic, my partner, my Mum and I drove down to see my son and take him out for the afternoon on Saturday. It was wonderful to see him, he was smiley and good-humoured (though as usual his attention span was not of the stretchiest) and let me cuddle him lots and hold his hand. We took him to Duxford Air Museum. It was a lovely, close, family contact despite the unpleasant weather. And my Mum stayed in my house for two nights, said she felt ‘cossetted’ and at the end thanked me for being ‘so caring’. I was very touched by that. The truth is, it wasn’t difficult for me at all this time. Mainly because I wasn’t depressed and stressed to the nines.

Also it says a lot about my Mum. She can recognise when I DO get something right and praise me accordingly. She is ready and willing to move on from the bad times we have had in the past and not to just assume that they have to be endlessly repeated. As am I.

Lots of love peeps. Everything in the Garden of Zoe is coming up roses, even in November!