Stop Chatting Shit About Us
Archive for September, 2015
Fam Update
Hmmmm. Have not seen hide nor hair of Ez for five days now. But the good news is, I’m sleeping better, natural sleep too without constantly needing pills. I understand why he had to get away. I know he will be back, what I don’t know is when. But I can see inside his head, feel his presence and I know he’s doing the do.
In the meantime my 19 year old son spent a night in the cells after a squabble over the family silver. Now he’s at his grandma’s place, which is very far from qualifying as a place of safety. I had to try and make some level of peace between them this evening.
And my advice to young people everywhere is to make every effort to communicate with their grandparents. It is often a more sympathetic relationship than with one’s parents (clearly not always the case).
Ex and current best friend Maurice is also unaccountably suddenly on lockdown inside the institute for the criminally insane where he currently resides. My response to this is that the ‘doctors’ there have finally lost it completely. I have been told to talk to the ward manager about it tomorrow after 9.00am which I fully intend to do. As usual Maurice’s posture is submissive. Someone has to stand up for the asshole and ram some basic assertiveness skills into his thick head.
Only I am free. Which is just as it should be. I also have money and am in no danger whatsoever of starving. As for sex, I give a fuck about that. ‘I bury man two foot shallow, ain’t got time to dig six feet deep’. I feel disinclined to bash my head against a wall anymore when so many of my army are on the march and unbeatable at this point. Don’t have much appetite today.
I’m Like Whatevs
I honestly don’t know what this track is but my computer told me to post it, so I can’t be expected to take the blame lol.
Super-Rapid Cycling Manic Depression Lol
Well, I kind of made myself homeless today as I couldn’t face coming back to an empty house without Ezra. Yet I felt his supportive presence with me all day and everyone was absolutely lovely to me, I kid you not, I was given money and food down at St Martin’s in the Fields, it is a super classy place to be homeless, the services there are great. It all but renewed my faith in humanity, and there was plenty entertainment and stimulation all day as Trafalgar Square was full of performers and audiences milling about. Also I met a wonderful Afghan guy who has good English and has been homeless there for 5 years so he was able to show me the ropes and in fact provided food and drink for me all day, he was a real Guardian Angel.
Let me tell you folks, free food tastes SOOOO much better than anything you can buy in those overpriced cafes that just want your money. I didn’t pay for a thing all day. I was able to lie down on the steps of the church and on Oscar Wilde’s plinth and on the grass in front of the National Gallery, the day was super-warm, I had only a few belongings with me, really didn’t need much. However when Afghan guy decided he needed to go off and see his pal in Chinatown I felt that was my cue to get the bus home and feed the poor cat, take some benzos and sleep. And guess who showed up with his dad a matter of minutes later? Yeah, the man himself lol.
I can’t escape him or he me, we’re always together wherever we are. That’s why I’m happy and fecking blissed out all the time, that’s why my life is finally falling into place, despite the occasional ordeal by fire.
Let Bob Marley close: ‘Don’t worry, bout a thing/Coz every little thing’s gonna be alright’.
OK I Am So Done
I have just spent the day and night from hell, alone, unable to sleep or eat, feeling sick, NO ONE was there for me, Ezra spent all our (my) remaining money on himself for his birthday so I don’t even have money for tobacco. He fucked off to his friend’s to ‘celebrate’, my God, yeah, why not celebrate the needless suffering you inflicted on a defenceless creature, oh go right ahead and be my guest.
Nembutal does not provide a peaceful painless death for ME. If it did trust me I would be long gone. Don’t get caught up in the hype kids!!!
Nor can I call an ambulance and go to hospital because it is full of sick people and I will likely emerge sicker than I went in. My ‘illness’ is not caused by virus, bacteria or being a bit overweight. It is caused by the malevolent forces in this universe that really have it in for me and anyone who tries to do the right thing.
How am I even rewarded for my lengthy labours on this blog? By having about an average of three readers a day. Worldwide that is. Fan fucking tastic. Way to make me feel like I don’t freaking exist, world.
They say if you can’t think of something nice to say, don’t say nothing. So that’s all folks.
Throwing Out A Challenge
How bout spitting a hip hop tune about what a freaking coward you are, how you’re a pussy ‘ole who can’t stand toe to toe with a real woman for all the tea in China?
This would be so honest and refreshing and could still be done in the braggadocio style we know so well!
Am I Still Ill? 